52 minutes that will allow me to change my world……..
The latest episode of SBS Insight on ‘Burnout’ may just be the most influential 52 minutes of my life. Thank you to Mum and my friend who encouraged me to watch, the timing could not have been better.
For some time now, I have been going through ‘something’. I didn’t know how to name this ‘something’. A midlife crisis? breakdown? stress? depression? anxiety? Throughout this blog I have called it all of these things. Today I found the best word yet…. ‘Burnout’. That is exactly what it has been.
How incredibly refreshing to listen to the stories of others and to realise that I am not alone in what I have been experiencing. So much of that episode hits home with me. All this time I have been analysing my stress, the way it escalated and the way I have been struggling to handle it, feeling confused and misunderstood. I didn’t know there were others out there who were feeling exactly like me and not only that, people are researching it! ‘Burnout’ is a thing.
I feel like I finally understand. I understand why it happened and I understand what I need to do to make myself better. I can tell you it is pure relief that the feelings of anger, confusion and cynicism that boil inside me, have been felt by others. The way the smallest thing could set me off on a spiral of self doubt and criticism. The way sometimes I simply can not concentrate even on the smallest of tasks.
Striving for excellence and perfectionism day in and day out has been quite literally causing that little fire inside me to burnt itself out. It has affected relationships with feelings of disengagement and misunderstanding, consumed by my work and my need to make it perfect. I lost sight of who I am and why I started all this is the first place.
Now that I can fully understand it, I can see it is time to stop this cycle before I make myself sick. Time to make a change and move forward and into the next chapter of my life.
This particular journey has come to an end. It has been full of highs and lows. I may nearly have lost myself but I have also found some things I never knew. I am brave, strong and resilient. I am persistent and loyal. In actual fact I can do anything I set my mind to.
With my new life chapter, comes the end of this blog. Writing has served me well and thank you those who have read my ramblings and offered feedback and support. I hope in some way it has helped others to know they are not alone. Thank you to my friends and family that have supported me through this turbulent period.
I will be trying other avenues to continue with some writing as it really is something I enjoy doing. My future topics will however be much more upbeat and fun!! I am thinking travel and adventure….
But, for now I am off in search of my little flame so that I can stoke it and nurture it back into a roaring fire.
SAA or LLS or ????………….