My northern English friends would be proud of me using this saying and as I write it, I say it to myself with their distinctive and super strong accent!
It just seems fitting at the moment. People really are weird. Sometimes there is just no telling what they are thinking or why they behave the way they do. This includes myself by the way, I am weird too!
Unfortunately for me, I sometimes forget. I wonder and stew and analyse over why people behave the way they do. I wonder what I did wrong and I beat myself up. In my perfectionist brain, it must have all been my fault when someone reacts unexpectedly.
I forget it isn’t about fault, it is about differences. We don’t all want the same thing and more to the point, we don’t all expect the same thing.
I am so tired. I am tired of figuring out what people want from me. I am tired of trying to be what people want. All that has happened, is I have lost myself. I often feel I have no idea what I want! Honestly…….. I don’t know anymore.
Of course this is just a setback. I had been on the right track. I had been taking baby steps forward, working on myself and my needs. I just let it slip.
Now……….it is time to reset, remember what I value and what ignites some passion in me. Forget about the others because they don’t matter, or at least their opinions and ideals don’t matter to me, only to them.
I have 3 sleeps until a much needed holiday. One with friends, family, beach, sun, snorkels and whale sharks. Bring it on, because that description right there, is as close as it comes to me being ‘home’, to me being the true ‘me’.
LLS (with a dash of stressaholic)