Category: Uncategorized

SAA

Why don’t people think the way I do? Why do they not ‘get’ what I am going through? These are questions I have asked myself and my husband on a regular basis in recent months. The answer is…….. because I haven’t told them!! I haven’t told them because doing so is admitting I am struggling and to me that seems like failure. But, at the end of the day everyone can see that I am struggling and by not admitting it, it comes across as me being a grumpy and inflexible b#*^@.

I am realising that admitting our short comings and identifying things to others that cause us stress and anxiety, is actually a display of strength. Not weakness. It is showing them that you have identified something and are trying to change and improve it. People respect that and are more than happy on most occasions to actually help you with whatever you are struggling with.

I have always been particularly bad at asking for help. I would prefer to struggle on than admit I can’t do everything. Yet, on the converse side, I love to help people. If one of my friends or family ask me for help, I relish in the opportunity (maybe because it makes me feel important) and guess what…………. I bet that means my friends would relish in the opportunity to help me, if only I gave them the chance.

At the end of the day, despite what is displayed on the outside, most of us have at least one struggle or insecurity we are dealing with. So, why do we not tell people and accept help? We are actually all the same, our struggle might be different but we would be hard pressed to find someone who doesn’t have one.

Perfectionism is tiresome. I am not perfect and you are not perfect. It is time for me to stop trying to be perfect, to speak up and ask for help. If I don’t, people start to make assumptions and sometimes these can be worse and have more repercussions than just admitting your shortfalls.

SAA

Why is it that we make ourselves feel guilty? This is a common theme amongst women I know and are close to. We feel guilty for taking time to ourselves. Whether it is cooking, cleaning, playing with the kids or exercising, there always feels like there is something we should be ‘getting done’. For example, it is currently Saturday afternoon and I can not sit still, there is this restlessness inside me telling me sitting is wrong somehow.

Guilt for me is a big thing. It seems as well as my issue with the word ‘important’, I have an issue with ‘guilt’. I know that I am particularly masterful at making myself feel bad. Instead of looking at the things that I have achieved in any one day, I look at the things I didn’t get to. This is common in almost all my walks of life, but it isn’t right.  I should absolutely be looking at the things have I achieved each day.

I read articles, books and threads on Facebook that say we need time for ourselves, we need time to be still and reflect. We need time to just be us and do things we enjoy doing. But, how many Mums actually do that?  and of those that do, how do you quieten that voice in the back of your head reminding you of the chores and responsibilities awaiting your attention?

This is a pertinent discussion with Mother’s Day here in Australia tomorrow. A day where the family ‘gives back’ to the Mother to show appreciation for all the things she does and sacrifices for them. My kids and husband will give me some lovely gifts and a breakfast in bed (if I am super lucky) and we will spend a lovely morning with my Mum and my Mother-in-law.

However, this year I need to consciously give myself a gift. I need to tell myself, it is ok to sit back when I need to. It is ok to rest and listen to my body. It is actually not my family that needs to give me permission to rest, I need to give that to myself………….because a healthy and happy Mum is more valuable to a family than an overworked and stressed out one.

SAA

Today was one of those days, where I really wonder what I am doing to myself. This is nothing to do with wanting to feel important. This is to do with the fact, on top of my desire to constantly take on too much, I work in a job that is known to be high pressure. I work in a healthcare role where, not only are we always trying to fit in more, we are dealing with human emotions when people are at their most vulnerable.

By lunchtime my cortisol had spiked countless times. I was finding it difficult to find ways to drop it down. I could feel it in my chest, everything felt tight and tense. I know I should do some controlled breathing, stretching, or walking, yet I didn’t allow myself time to do it. Today, I was relying solely on my aromatherapy and it wasn’t cutting it.

More to the point though, I need to find strategies to avoid it happening in the first place. Today, a great deal of it was in my own head. I was rostered to work in a different practice. I was out of my comfort zone and working on unfamiliar equipment. On the drive there I was uptight and thinking about how difficult my day was going to be……………so it was.

Instead of telling myself I am capable and I could handle whatever was thrown at me, I chose to tell myself it was going to be hard. My parents will tell me I have always been a pessimist. I have always liked to think I am just preparing myself for the worst case scenario, so that I can handle it and I have already thought through my options. But, the mind is a powerful thing and often what we think might happen, does happen, because we make it happen.

The worst part about this whole scenario is, I still feel the effects now. I finished work 2 and a half hours ago and I still feel uptight. So, what have I done? Reached for the bottle of wine…………….

SAA