Today was one of those days, where I really wonder what I am doing to myself. This is nothing to do with wanting to feel important. This is to do with the fact, on top of my desire to constantly take on too much, I work in a job that is known to be high pressure. I work in a healthcare role where, not only are we always trying to fit in more, we are dealing with human emotions when people are at their most vulnerable.
By lunchtime my cortisol had spiked countless times. I was finding it difficult to find ways to drop it down. I could feel it in my chest, everything felt tight and tense. I know I should do some controlled breathing, stretching, or walking, yet I didn’t allow myself time to do it. Today, I was relying solely on my aromatherapy and it wasn’t cutting it.
More to the point though, I need to find strategies to avoid it happening in the first place. Today, a great deal of it was in my own head. I was rostered to work in a different practice. I was out of my comfort zone and working on unfamiliar equipment. On the drive there I was uptight and thinking about how difficult my day was going to be……………so it was.
Instead of telling myself I am capable and I could handle whatever was thrown at me, I chose to tell myself it was going to be hard. My parents will tell me I have always been a pessimist. I have always liked to think I am just preparing myself for the worst case scenario, so that I can handle it and I have already thought through my options. But, the mind is a powerful thing and often what we think might happen, does happen, because we make it happen.
The worst part about this whole scenario is, I still feel the effects now. I finished work 2 and a half hours ago and I still feel uptight. So, what have I done? Reached for the bottle of wine…………….