Category: Stress memes

52 minutes that will allow me to change my world……..

The latest episode of SBS Insight on ‘Burnout’ may just be the most influential 52 minutes of my life. Thank you to Mum and my friend who encouraged me to watch, the timing could not have been better.

For some time now, I have been going through ‘something’. I didn’t know how to name this ‘something’. A midlife crisis? breakdown? stress? depression? anxiety? Throughout this blog I have called it all of these things. Today I found the best word yet…. ‘Burnout’. That is exactly what it has been.

How incredibly refreshing to listen to the stories of others and to realise that I am not alone in what I have been experiencing. So much of that episode hits home with me. All this time I have been analysing my stress, the way it escalated and the way I have been struggling to handle it, feeling confused and misunderstood. I didn’t know there were others out there who were feeling exactly like me and not only that, people are researching it! ‘Burnout’ is a thing.

I feel like I finally understand. I understand why it happened and I understand what I need to do to make myself better. I can tell you it is pure relief that the feelings of anger, confusion and cynicism that boil inside me, have been felt by others. The way the smallest thing could set me off on a spiral of self doubt and criticism. The way sometimes I simply can not concentrate even on the smallest of tasks.

Striving for excellence and perfectionism day in and day out has been quite literally causing that little fire inside me to burnt itself out. It has affected relationships with feelings of disengagement and misunderstanding, consumed by my work and my need to make it perfect. I lost sight of who I am and why I started all this is the first place.

Now that I can fully understand it, I can see it is time to stop this cycle before I make myself sick. Time to make a change and move forward and into the next chapter of my life.

This particular journey has come to an end. It has been full of highs and lows. I may nearly have lost myself but I have also found some things I never knew. I am brave, strong and resilient. I am persistent and loyal. In actual fact I can do anything I set my mind to.

With my new life chapter, comes the end of this blog. Writing has served me well and thank you those who have read my ramblings and offered feedback and support. I hope in some way it has helped others to know they are not alone. Thank you to my friends and family that have supported me through this turbulent period.

I will be trying other avenues to continue with some writing as it really is something I enjoy doing. My future topics will however be much more upbeat and fun!! I am thinking travel and adventure….

But, for now I am off in search of my little flame so that I can stoke it and nurture it back into a roaring fire.

Signing out

SAA or LLS or ????………….

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Ultimately these are the two things most humans are trying to achieve; happiness and satisfaction. We go through ebbs and flows, highs and lows. As a kid, we think life is meant to be all sunshine and rainbows. It takes us a while to realise that is not the way it is going to pan out!

I read another blog this morning that really resonated with me.  https://medium.com/the-mission/how-im-dealing-with-my-third-mid-life-crisis-3379af8e0142. It contained a graph showing the scale of happiness in our lives.

 

Now, this really is interesting and explains a lot!! Check out the dip in happiness we have in the 30-50 age group, centred on my magic age of 40!!!

Darren Rowse explores, in his blog, the reasons for the drop in happiness and it all really makes sense. This is the age where we are tied up by responsibilities to our kids and are constantly worrying about what they are exposed to. We are attempting to become financially secure and worry about all that comes with that. To top it off, we have often mastered our job to the point we operate on autopilot, in a perpetual state of boredom (by the way, this one is not me, I still have a lot to learn in my job, which in turn causes a different level of stress). In the back of our minds we are thinking……… is this me for the next 30 years?

Is it any wonder then we end up having a midlife crisis?!! It seems so busy, such a rut and often we feel we are not living at all, merely existing.

So how do we break this cycle? Well, like Darren, I really think it is a case of paying more attention to those little interesting thoughts that pop up in the back of our heads. The ones that give you little boosts of energy. They can come from anywhere and are often provoked by curiosity.  He calls them ‘Sparks’. Start listening for them and when you notice one that makes you feel energised try, if you can, to act on it. Recognise them and glean some energy off them. It will make you feel more alive every time.

This is exactly what I have started doing. I started thinking I would really like to write. So here I am, writing a blog. It might be small and not many people are reading it, but that doesn’t matter. What matters is that I am doing it, fuelling my spark, and that every time I do, it gives me a little more energy and makes me feel a little more alive.

So, I am on the hunt for more. Do you have any ‘Sparks’?

SAA

So here is a test for the recovering stressaholic……… learning the ability to not take on other people’s stress.

All around us people are stressed. Stressed because they are too busy, the kids are misbehaving, work isn’t going well or finances are strained. So, when you are dealing with your own stress, taking on someone else’s can be the ‘straw that breaks the camels back’.

Many of us are highly sensitive and sensing other people’s struggles we feel obliged to help. We start to become involved, absorbing their stress, convinced we can help. In actual fact we are dragging ourselves down and that helps nobody.

More often than not, the stressed party would benefit more from us staying strong, less involved and less emotional. You hear the saying ‘He/she is my rock’, well that’s what they need, a solid person and mind, not a highly emotional busybody!!

To avoid all this we need to firstly recognise when it is happening and when we are most at risk of it happening. Sit down and think about when you are most at risk of taking on other people’s emotions. For example, I know that I am more likely to get involved in other people’s issues when I am feeling a bit unconfident about something and when I have some ‘extra’ time on my hands.

This is not to say I should fill every minute of the day, which was my old approach. No, instead I just need to be aware I may start to take on too much and absorb emotions around me. Sometimes awareness is all we need, the little voice in the back of our head reminding us to look after ourselves first and the rest will follow.

SAA

I have talked about this before……… We all want validation but the only validation that really matters is from yourself.

Be happy with who you are. ‘Validate’ yourself. This is the single most important step to a recovering ‘stressaholic’. It means you don’t need to overload yourself in the pursuit of ‘success’. Success is within.

SAA

I am having the most amazing time just simply learning to do what I love doing! Instead of telling myself I shouldn’t be too self indulgent or that I shouldn’t ‘waste’ time, I am actually allowing myself time to enjoy some of the things I love and guess what……. I haven’t reduced my productivity or run out of time to do things that need doing. No. In fact, just by being happy, satisfied and more relaxed, I am becoming more efficient at getting things done (and still to my high standard).

I am no longer spending time doing things I really don’t want to be doing (within reason, unfortunately some things just can not be avoided!!). In truth this is where I really was wasting time. My inability to say NO was sapping my time, energy and enthusiasm. That will not happen anymore.

Part of this new feeling is likely just me riding on the back of the most fantastic holiday ever. But, I just feel so renewed! Things seem clearer now. The trick over the next few weeks will be not sliding into the ‘post holiday blues’ and my old outlook . I honestly think if I keep living in the moment and focusing on feeding myself with the things I love doing, I will not only avoid the post holiday blues but find those other vital pieces to myself that I have carelessly misplaced.

Today, I set up a room at home for me only. My writing room. My space. My ideas. I started (lots to add yet!) to fill it with things that I find inspiring and that make me smile. I went to Kmart and bought one of those little light boxes with the letters. I put 3 words on it. It only occurred to me hours later, how important these 3 words are, or might be ……….

If I am completely honest, I wanted the first to say love, but the set only came with one V!

SAA

So, these are the things I have noticed this week while concentrating on being present:

• The tiniest slit of a moon in the morning sky over the pool.
• An amazing orange/apricot cloud as the sun rose.
• A Vinnie’s bin in the school car park (random, but I must have driven past it for months and not noticed), so I filled it with bags of clothes we no longer need.
• My son’s need for me to notice him and for him to have time just with me (All I needed to do was take him for a milkshake).
• My daughter’s golden hair. A new hairbrush can make so much difference!

And then there are the things I noticed about me:

I just want validation. I just want to know that I am doing the right thing, saying the right thing, feeling the right thing. But, here is the funny bit. I noticed …… there is no right or wrong. I am just ME and I can only do what I think is right in the moment. And, this is totally ok!

I watched an awesome speech by a very clever lady called Oprah. She mentioned this very point. We all want validation, we all want someone to say we did ok. She has interviewed thousands of famous people and the first thing they ask when the camera goes off……………….. “Was that ok?”. Didn’t matter who they were.

TURNS OUT, I AM JUST HUMAN!!

Also, it appears this is all my son wants from me too. He wants my validation.

But, at the end of the day……. the only person who can truly give us validation is ourselves. How many times have my parents or my husband told me I have done well, for me to, in all honestly (sorry you guys!), not believe them. To think they were just saying that because it was what I wanted to hear. This is because I wasn’t validating myself.

I am a super lucky human being. I am grateful for my family, my friends and the life that has opened to me since running my business. I am grateful to have a job that is always in demand. I am grateful to be able to help others.

I am going to concentrate on living in the present and giving myself validation or as I mentioned in an earlier post, I am going to approve of myself. It is time to stop requesting validation from others or at least placing so much importance on the opinion of others. Hopefully, this will help give me direction with what is next. But, for now I am 40 and I am grateful and lucky to be ME.

SAA

 

A wise person in my life told me yesterday, the best way to find out who I really am, is to concentrate on being present in the moment. I need to take note of the things that I am drawn to and feel strongly about. If I can live like this, something will crop up that will help me in knowing the direction I want to take (not the one I feel like I should take, but the one I truly want to take).

So, I have a new mantra………………… RIGHT HERE, RIGHT NOW. This is something I am going to say to myself when I feel my brain floating away to somewhere not in the present moment. Yes, I run the risk of having the Fat boy Slim song stuck in my head constantly but that is ok, if it reminds me to be present in the moment.

I tried it yesterday morning while walking home from swimming. I saw the most amazing rainbow. It was a full one right across the sky, strong and vibrant in colour. I think it was a sign! It made me wonder how many others had taken that moment to appreciate such a natural and beautiful thing (aside from children who are masters at living in the moment).

This way of living is particularly important to me at the moment with the most amazing trip coming up. I know I have fallen into a trap before of spending so much time while traveling, planning and thinking about what we are doing next and what we might miss if I am not organised. I have never thought about what I might be missing by not taking the time to see the small things.

This trip is going to be about slowing down and appreciating the details…………. like that bird in Central Park, or the amazing lake in Canada and especially the grandness of Niagara Falls. Wow, how lucky am I? Now I am getting excited………………………. about the trip and about what I might find living in the present.

SAA