This sort of goes right back to the start of my blog. I admitted that I have my whole identity tied up in being the person who does millions of different things and is always super busy. So ……… now that I have realised, I don’t have to be this way, I don’t have to be perfect at everything I do and say yes to every demand……………. WHO AM I?
That sounds really weird, but the last week (after I made my amazing discovery and was briefly feeling on top of the world) I have been feeling really flat. I just realised today, that is because I don’t really know who I am anymore or quite where I am going.
Surely this is actually a good thing, I am giving myself the opportunity to reinvent ME. The problem is, I have no idea into what I want to become! I know I want to be calmer, less stressed and more present in the moment, but what does that look like? What does that mean in terms of who I am and where I am going?
I have found myself falling back into old patterns this week, simply to feel like me. I volunteered myself to do a job I could see was needing attention. My husband thinks I am mad, I could be at home relaxing yet I am choosing to spend my time fixing up something for no reward. But to me, the reward is simply in the achievement I feel in completing a project.
Maybe, that is what I should focus on, finding projects that feed me and are things I want to be doing. Not the ones I feel like I have to be doing. Maybe, the answer is in being more choosy?? Being on the front foot and picking the specific things that I enjoy……………….. and perhaps learning to wait for the right opportunities. I tend to dive right in as soon as I see something that might possibly be down my alley.
It sounds strange but I just know there is something important coming. I have no idea what is it but I can feel it and I think it is something to do with who I am becoming. It has bothered me all week, I need to know what it is so I can get on to it right away!! BUT I am going to try and wait it out. I think the best thing I can do is to stop searching and wait for it to come to me………… whatever it is.
I feel nervous and apprehensive!