Today, I caught up with a friend who has a very similar brain wiring to me. We discussed many things. One of which, was the fact that when you are wired as we are, you have to minimise the number things you get involved in, in order to preserve yourself. This is because of our desire to give everything 100% of our ability, and our desire to complete everything to our own high standard. Half doing something isn’t an option.
Half doing something, or not performing to our own standards means STRESS. He urged me to cut down the number of things I do, in order to do the most important things properly and to a standard that I am happy with. This makes sense.
Recently, I agreed to lead something that I am passionate about. It was a role that I knew I could do well, I had passion, I had ideas, I had the skills but………I didn’t have the time. I took it on anyway (despite my family urging me not to). It was a disappointing disaster. It was one of the very things that lead to my ‘midlife crisis’. I just didn’t perform.
Now I understand why. It is not that I couldn’t perform, it was simply too much at the wrong time in my life. It was self-indulgent to even try. But, yet again I thought it would make me feel important. It didn’t, it only served to give me an overwhelming sense of failure.
However, my ‘failure’ was not in under performing in the job, it was in taking it on in the first place.