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Today I witnessed something beautiful, cute, funny and just so simple. It made me smile and laugh, I just had to share! The uncomplicated things in life really are the best and so precious when you have the chance to take notice of them.

At the time, I was talking on the phone to a friend. Our discussions were quite intense as there has been some sad news around us lately. It was about people coming to each other’s aid in times of crisis.

As we were chatting, I was sitting outside under the veranda watching the cat laze about in the afternoon sun when something caught my eye. We have a family of Magpies that hang out in our yard. We see them out the front scratching around under the roses and in the grass. Today they were out the back and they seemed to have new focus.

My Dad handmade a bird house for my daughter at Christmas which hangs from our outdoor patio roof with chains. It is designed to be cat and possum proof.

It looks super inviting, I mean I think if I was a bird I would love it. There is seed at the front and near the rear door, it is decorated with beautiful artwork. Yet, we haven’t seen too much action around it. That is until today, when our magpie family discovered it.

The house is really designed for the small bird, not a magpie sized bird. I watched as the four magpies attempted to figure out how to get the seed without tipping the whole house. It was so funny.

The leader of the group first sat on the roof and proceeded to try from several angles to get its beak down near the piles of seed, while the others looked on critically. After some time of trying this and failing, it had a go at gripping onto one of the chains and shuffling its way down towards the house, twisting to crane its neck around to the seed. In a sort of half hanging, galah like fashion it finally had success and ate as much seed as it could before becoming too uncomfortable to continue. Off he flew and the next one flew up to try his luck.

What a pleasure it was to see the simple actions of these birds fulfilling a basic need, the modelling of behaviour and the communication amongst them to make sure everyone had a go.

It reminded me of two things:

1. The uncomplicated nature of basic needs and how sometimes it requires team work and a community to make it happen (pretty much exactly what my friend and I had been discussing).

2. The Magpies also reminded me of a Raven (another bird in the same family) and the Raven is symbolic of an important person who is coming our way this weekend. Now a family member, this person came into our life 4 years ago as an exchange student, who opened our hearts and minds to a whole new world. For her people, Raven means change or transformation and is often associated with healing.

Let us hope a change is coming, for some healing of the sole and healing of the hurt around us.

LLS xxx

I don’t even know if ‘stickability’ is actually a real word or my invention but it refers to ones ability to stick at something!

I consider myself a sticker. I am pretty sure I model this trait to my kids on a reasonably frequent basis. I commit to things and I stick at them. I talk to them about when you commit to something you must follow through on it.

Yet……..one of my children changes their mind like the wind and demonstrates no remorse what so ever if they don’t ‘feel like’ doing something, even if it lets other people down. I feel horrified.

Part of me does wonder, who has this wrong?

Many around me, might argue that I stick at things for longer than is healthy! Things that I know are probably not serving me well or take too much of my time, I just keep on going and going and going, because I said I would.

Kids are a lot smarter than we give them credit for. Maybe, when it doesn’t feel right we should stop doing things.

But, my question is……how will you ever know what your special skills or loves are if you don’t keep trying things? Sometimes it takes a while of doing something before it suddenly clicks or becomes something you truely enjoy doing. What if they miss out on that opportunity?

Of course, as a parent there is also the glaringly obvious difference between them and us. I AM PAYING!!! If you want to join everything and give up half way through, then do it when you earn your own money thank you!

I think in our house we are all over scheduled. Each person’s schedule impacts the others. Each person’s stress impacts the others. This means even if they themselves are not doing too many activities, the kids feel like they are. They want a break.

In all honesty, this is a pretty common problem in the modern world. Our kids are scheduled from the minute they wake up until they go to sleep a good few days of the week. They crave time to veg out and do nothing or hang out with friends. Let’s face it, our adult lives are like that soon enough, surely they should be able to enjoy the freedom of childhood.

I don’t know the answer, cut it all loose or plow on? But, here are some things I do know: I am sick of fighting. I am sick of being yelled at. I am sick of tantrums and I am sick of paying!

Evidently, I think I have one child like me that moans about how busy she is and wanting to do less but when faced with the option of giving up something is horrified. Tonight she told me she was ‘born to do it all’. Oh dear……. ‘stickability’ might in fact be a curse!

LLS

Wow, it has been a whole week since I last blogged. A week of trudging through mud! Like so many mothers out there, I am counting down the days. I love my kids, but 8 weeks off is such a longgggggg time. They are in desperate need of some structure and routine, as am I.

With the start of the year and the impending new school year, I have been thinking a lot about the word potential. By definition it means showing qualities and the capacity to develop into ‘something’ in the future. I have recently realised the inherent dangers with using this word!!

Let me explain.

Surely it is a good thing to show potential in something, whether it is a sport, school, cooking, writing, whatever. When someone tells us we have potential to excel in something, it is exciting and feel proud to display these qualities. However, what happens when it doesn’t come into fruition? Some personalities turn this into a constant background pressure.

I speak from experience.

I have shown potential in several things. But I haven’t always reached my potential (sometimes I have, sometimes I haven’t). It is likely that most other people have not noticed, but I have. Because someone, somewhere, sometime once told me I was capable……….. and yet I didn’t get there.

I am only just beginning to understand that this is not a failure, it is a choice. I could have got there, but I chose not to because I didn’t want to focus all my time on it, I wanted other experiences. I had other things in my life I didn’t want to sacrifice.

It is easy to look back and wonder but really we should look back and marvel at all the things we have achieved.

Our brains get confused sometimes and make us think that we ‘failed’ by not reaching our potential. Instead of blaming outside reasons for our failures, or finding excuses for it, we (I!) need to realise we had the choice, we had the potential and we chose not to focus on it. Even with all the obstacles in the world, someone who really wants something finds a way to overcome them. We read about these stories all the time!!

As a parent and coach, this is a very difficult concept. How do we encourage children to reach their ‘potential’ without setting them up for failure? I guess setting realistic goals is a good starting point, but I also think we have a duty to tell kids, it is their choice and their choice alone. We can not do it for them. They can choose to follow their potential, but they have to want it and they need to understand there will be sacrifices along the way and there will be failures.

We need to show them the different paths and let them know, there is no right and wrong, just different directions.

Something I never understood until now, is that we should not be afraid of failure. The greatest of successes are often born from a failure.

LLS

Yes that is correct, I missed a day!!! Noooooooooooooo

Yesterday things just got a little out of hand and I forgot my golden rule. The point of this challenge, is to allow myself 10 minutes to check in, write and explore how I am feeling. It was 11pm before I had the opportunity to even consider it and I thought sleep was more important. However, as it turns out……… I couldn’t sleep and in hindsight a ‘check in’ may well have been the right thing to do to put my mind at rest.

Anyway, you live and learn. I am here in front of the computer now, so today…..

1. Something I learnt: Time out, emotional check ins and self assessment is vital for mental wellbeing.
2. Something I am grateful for: My kids. Some days they drive me around the bend, but I am very lucky to have two beautiful, healthy and mostly happy kids. Both, excelled themselves with their school reports this semester and I am very proud of their achievements, but more so by the fact they set themselves goals and strived towards them…………. especially the one who usually coasts along. I think he might have even surprised himself.
3. Something I want to improve: The old habit of putting myself last. On those crazy, crazy days it is ok to say enough is enough, I need a break. Even if for only 10 minutes.

SAA