I have been feeling so good the last few days, the headway I have been making has impressed even me. But, today I have had a set back. It is not dramatic. Nothing in particular happened. I just feel a bit frustrated and anxious. I slipped back into a few of my old ways today and as much as I could see myself doing it, I couldn’t seem to get on top of it. The old cortisol monster was back!!
I am really trying not to be too hard on myself about this. A bad day does not mean I have ‘fallen off the wagon’. After all, I can not expect that just because I am finally working on myself and starting to change inherent patterns, that all would be well every day of the week.
Anticipating that I would have a day like this (ever the forward thinker and analyser – dam I am doing it again) I had actually set myself up with some strategies. Well, the problem is I had half set myself up. I knew what I was meant to do but hadn’t quite got all the resources I needed to actually do it. So that was immensely frustrating. I was in a situation of ……… ‘you should do this, I know but I can’t because I haven’t got a picture yet. Well that was dumb wasn’t it?’ (Yes that is me talking to myself!).
I guess the trick will be how I bounce back from today and what I have learnt from it. I have learnt two things;
- Being prepared means having everything ready including the picture (this is a picture that is meant to draw me away from the current situation and ground me).
- I identified something today that has been bothering me for a while. I have to deal with it. I have to speak up and make my feelings known because I can not expect people to be mind readers.
So, this is a case of what goes up must come down. I have been on a high and today was the inevitable low. So ……………………. tomorrow I am on the way back up again because the biggest pattern to break is staying in the low, staying in the cortisol infested waters where my brain lets things chase me further down.
Things are already feeling better.