Thankfully today I am ok.
But…… yesterday was a whole other story.
I jotted down what it felt like…
Some days I honestly think I am going around the bend. There is so much going on, my brain feels likes it turns to mush. One thing blends into another and then another, then another until everything seems so big and out of control. Much like a snowball rolling down a hill, ever growing in size and gaining speed. At some stage it is going to hit something and the prospect is terrifying.
It feels like there is no time to stop and slow down, to look at the trees or sky or animals. Just got to keep plowing on, faster, faster, faster.
People tell you to breathe. To stop and slow down. Calm down. Don’t worry. Stop stressing. Some days you try. Others you just let it take hold because trying just feels too exhausting.
What I really could not do yesterday was talk about it. I was on a mission to do anything but, because I knew if I started talking I would break down. Instead I avoided people, I didn’t want to break down and I didn’t want to burden them. I had to wait it out and only then could I talk about it.
I read an interesting article tonight about the ‘R U OK?’ and various other mental health campaigns. For a ‘stressaholic’ like me, it hit the nail on the head. It talked about how in the depths of an episode of anxiety what a person really needs is connection before communication.
Yesterday, I didn’t need to talk about it, what I needed was a connection. I needed someone to show me they were there. To make me a cup of tea or give me a hug.
Today I needed to talk about it.
As I said at the start of this blog, I am ok. I have connected and I have talked about it. I have also accepted that I will have days like this. The best I can do is get through them when they happen, talk about them afterwards and hope they occur less frequently.
The only other thing I can do, is write about it and hope it sheds some light on how to help someone when you see them struggling, especially if they seemingly won’t talk about it. Maybe they can’t.
I find the teapot is a great start.